Been a few weeks

So I haven't been able to do my ab challenge since I usually work out at work and I've been doing 2 jobs there. When I get home, I forget.  So I'm going to start it again in December when I go back to my normal schedule. I've been keeping up with the squats challenge pretty well though because I can do those in the bathroom at work after pumping.  I refuse to get on the bathroom floor to do the abs challenge lol

Eating is hit or miss.  Some days I do really well and others I'm back to my old ways.  This weekend though,  I started a routine of eating an egg and a bowl of oatmeal with honey for breakfast.  Before that, I have a warm glass of water with lemon juice. I am doing better with keeping up my water intake!  Now, if I only didn't have to constantly pee! 

I forgot to weigh myself this weekend too,  but last week, I hadn't lost any weight. It's due to my poor diet. I almost gave up, but I will keep on truckin'!

Hopefully, once I get into good eating habits, I will see more results!

Negative self-talk and recognizing small progress

     It's been longer than I wanted since I last wrote, but life happens sometimes!

     First off,  I wanted to update on my progress.  My weight hasn't changed much.  The last few weeks,  on weigh-in day,  I've been between 169 and 170lbs. I do do my push-ups and squats after each time I pump at work.  In the bathroom lol. I do the all of the push ups after the first pumping since there are less of those than squats,  but I break up the squats evenly over the 3 pumping sessions, if that makes sense.

     Now,  I also wanted to say I've been working 2 jobs part-time. Tangent...I have a full time job,  but I'm working half of my hours in another department to cover.  Back on track...so I'm a bit overworked.  I'm also more stressed at home.  My little baby is close to crawling and all I can think of is how there are cords everywhere, and my floors are dirty, and how am I going to keep her out of the cat food and litter boxes? AND I've also been eating terribly. So let's think about this... I'm over worked,  over stressed,  and over eating. That right there is a triple threat to weight loss and overall health & well being. That brings me to the next thing I wanted to talk about.

     Negative self talk.  I'm incessant with the cut downs of myself.  A few weeks ago,  I was berating myself in my head for letting myself go and I actually used the word "blubber". Yes,  like a whale!  I was so entrenched in the name calling of myself that I was basically calling myself a whale! A WHALE! Now I'm shaming myself for beating myself up!  oi!

     Point is,  whenever I eat a cheeseburger,  have a milkshake, drink hot cocoa, or have some other junk food,  I shame myself!  I won't want to take it home to eat there because I am ashamed and don't want Mark to know. If I forget my oatmeal in the morning and have to stop at McDonald's on my way to work, I pray that nobody sees me walking in with a McDonald's bag or sees me eating that stuff.  But I continue to do it!  Why?  I'm not sure,  but Mark has told me time and time again that he believes I have a need to be a failure so I can hate myself.  There's a strong possibility he could be right as I am always able to find something at which I'm failing. But I honestly don't know?  Maybe it's just a comfort zone?  If I'm not a failure,  then I have to be accountable. If I'm accountable, then people will start to depend on me.  If people start to depend on me,  then I will let them down and hurt them eventually. And who wants to plan to disappoint people? Not me! BUT if I want to be a good example for my daughter, then that is what I have to do.  I have to work towards not being a failure.  That means the negative self talk needs to seriously decline!  Because,  let's face it,  I'm human and humans always are their own worst critics! So stopping the negative self talk is highly improbable. Another Tangent... Do all overweight and obese people talk to themselves like I talk to myself?  Are there American women out there who actually do love their bodies when they're overweight? 

     Back on track... Now to my last thing.  I decided I'm doing this for me AND my family.  I want to feel better (nor airways be tied) and look better (wear a bikini this upcoming summer and have Peru skin). I want my daughter to have a good example.  I want to be sexy for my husband.

     So I thought about my past experience with DBT and decided I need to give myself credit for small victories.

Here they are:

1. Even with that triple threat of my life,  I haven't gained weight!!! That is pretty amazing!

2. After being fairly regular with keeping up with my push-up and squat challenge (11 days so far,  just not on weekends),  I've noticed that squats no longer hurt my knee, my butt actually looks more lifted (yay!), and I noticed yesterday that I can do girly push ups and I don't need to do them on the wall anyhow!  This means I'm getting stronger!  In just 2 weeks! 

3. I'm starting an a challenge for November and completed today!  Man,  leg lifts are hard!

4. I've started organizing. I have not gotten very far, but I started!  :)

OK.  That's enough.  Have a great one!  Until next time... Stay tuned!

Oops!

     So I have been really busy!  I forgot to update this when I had the chance and didn't have the chance when I remembered!

     The last two weeks have been...iffy. Some days I've tried super hard and others I have slacked and be my old self of no exercise and eating junk.

     Therefore,  last week,  at weigh in,  I gained half a pound.  This week I had no movement on the scale. 

     A man at work posted a challenge in our gym of doing 5000 squats and 1000 push ups in 30 days.  I have been half ass'ing it.  I'm only doing them on workdays. Since I can't do one full traditional push up and the ones on knees hurt my knees, I've been doing them on the wall.  I've been doubling them since wall ones are easier.  The squats,  well,  those are tough! Today is day 5 for me and it's 15 push ups and 75 squats. So that means I'll be doing 30 wall push ups. I'll have to break up the squats into 3 sets of 25 though.  Ouch!

     I've been half ass'ing losing weight, period. It's hard for me to do it when I don't see results.  It's hard to see results right now. But I'm still motivated enough to exercise a few times a week at least,  so that's way better than before!  I'm calling it a win! 

     Just an ordinary girl trying to be extraordinary.

Thoughts while pumping

So, I'm sitting here in the men's bathroom at work with my shirt over my head and two suction cups attached,  at one end,  to my boobs and, at the other end,  to bottles.  They are doing what I call,  "sucking out my life force"! It's amazing how much breastfeeding takes out of you physically.  Just makes me so tired and thirsty and hungry.  Sometimes,  I even take a mini nap while the baby's eating.  Which brings me to my next point.

Eating too much. Not drinking enough.  Because I'm breastfeeding,  I'm supposed to be drinking 100 oz of water a day!!! Really?! I rarely come closer to that and,  as far as I know,  have not reached that goal once since having the baby...or ever,  for that matter!  i drink around 60 oz per day.

I'm also supposed to be burning 200-500 calories a day just from breastfeeding! I'm thinking that since I'm mostly pumping on the weekdays,  and solely breastfeeding on the weekends that I'm somewhere near the lower-middle of that spectrum.  So let's just say I'm burning 300 calories a day because I'm breastfeeding & pumping.  Let's say I need to stay above 1500 calories to continue producing milk. That means I can safely eat a diet that is 1800- 2000 calories a day and lose weight. 2300 calories and I need to work out though. I eat around 2000-2500 per day.  Did I mention breastfeeding sucks my life force out of me lol.

Also,  the hormones! They keep me from losing weight quickly.  So annoying!  And I get hot flashes!

But I love breastfeeding.  It's the one thing I know I have to give my daughter that my husband doesn't.  It keeps her needing me.  And she's so sweet while she's eating.  Sometimes she just stops to smile at me.  And then she peacefully drifts of to sleep. 

But then there's the bra situation.  I hate nursing bras.  They don't come in a good variety of sizes,  the styles suck or are pretty but not functional.  They are all uncomfortable.  Sigh.  I miss my regular bras! 

In any case.  It's a wonderful thing,  but not at the same time.  Bittersweet.  Just like it will be when I'm done nursing.

Also,  they day that if you keep breastfeeding,  the weight will fall off.  It does if you're solely breastfeeding.  Pump and work away from the home...well,  that's another story.

Until next time...

Rough day

So,  I worked out every day this week so far,  but today will be my rest day.  On Monday and Wednesday,  I walked the treadmill on the hill interval setting and on Tuesday I did some legs and butt exercises.  My legs are KILLING ME!!!! I'm not sure I should even be walking.  Mark told me I'm not supposed to work out the same body part 2 days in a row.  Stupid me! I'm paying for it. To top that of,  I'm having a rough day emotionally.  Not sure why. I've been trying to work out and track my food/water intake for 6 weeks now.  I've lost 3 pounds.  I feel stupid for trying while breastfeeding.  I am just so hungry all the time. But I hate how fat I am too. I'm just having a hard time being motivated today.

What my fitbit goals look like

First,  let me apologize for not being more funny or entertaining.  I will try to be better at that. But that will have to wait until I'm either pumping at work with my shirt over my head or when the baby is napping. Now,  let's get started.  There are 3 pictures.  This is what it looks like on a work day when I don't get a chance to work out, on a work day when I do work out at work,  and the an unusual day when I walk a ton and actually pay attention to calories.  Which I don't usually do! Keep in mind that not all information is computer as far as water or calorie intake in concerned because,  well,  I'm human and I forget.  So here it is. 

First entry for weight loss stuff

So I was trying over the last week to wrote this entry.  It was long,  and I have a 6 month old baby, so I kept having to stop.  Well,  on the phone app,  it only saves your title as a Draft instead of your whole entry. So I kept losing this long entry!

So I'm keeping this short so I can write while at work,  while pumping lol

I want to get healthy.  I want to get thin.  I want to gain muscle tone.  I want to look good in a bikini by next summer.  I want my daughter to follow by example.  So I'm starting this now.  Here are my stats:

Height 5'5"
Weight 172lbs

I will be weighing whenever I feel likeit.  Not on a schedule.  I will not start taking measurements unless I feel I've plateaued and want to see if I'm losing inches. I will be using my gym at work and walking my daughter on the weekends as exercise. I'm using a fitbit to help me track my goals.  My first goals are to get down to 162lbs, get in 7500 steps per day,  and up my water intake.  I won't be too intense on tracking calories until I'm done breastfeeding.  And I will update this as often as possible,  trying for every few days at least.

That's all for now.  Got to go! Stay tuned!