First things first, I LOVE volunteering with PACA/AAR. This is the most wonderful thing that could have ever happened to me. It has made me realize that I can actually enjoy myself when I'm not with my fiance, that I have a passion for cats (although I love all animals mammals...except birds kinda creep me out), and it has made me realize what I want to do for the rest of my life. I can work a full day at this organization and not be sick of it. I love what I do and I, in general, enjoy the other people that volunteer with me. So, I have decided that I am going to try to open my own cat sanctuary here in New Mexico. I understand that it is a long hard road, but it is the first thing that I have ever tried that I'm passionate about and I intend to hold onto it!!!
My fiance and his mom and step-dad are very supportive in my endeavor. I have a few friends that are also very supportive. My dad thinks I need to build up my career, networking circle, and bank account before I even attempt to do this. So, basically, he thinks it should be a part-time thing I do in addition to a full-time job OR I should just wait until I'm retired. He used the exact phrase "...nearly impossible...". I let this really discourage me and stopped all my research. I let this phrase get to me and get me down. I kept thinking, "oh, this will fail in an economy like this", "my dad is right. I will never get the money", etc. But, as my fiance pointed out, by the time I've done all my research and get the ball rolling on the whole thing, who's to say the economy will not have changed by then? Either way, for some reason, it really brought my spirits back up and I am starting my research again. Also, his step-dad is used to writing VERY profitable grants and can help me with any questions I have and with writing any grants I want to apply for. The trick is to find the grants and/or organizations. I also have a clever little addition I am going to try to add to my sanctuary in hopes that it will REALLY benefit the community, kitties, volunteer help, and my chances of getting a grant. I'm so buzzed about this! It's unbelievable! I really hope it all pans out to be amazingly great! I want a flourishing sanctuary that fills my heart, the lives of cats, the community with hope, and my career goals! Wouldn't that be amazing!
Also, we are "fostering" 2 cats right now, my fiance and I, and are enjoying it immensely! I am sure he wants to adopt, but is weary of the cost. He says, "can't we just foster them forever?" lol I said "no, honey! the organization needs the money, so if you want to keep them, we need to give them the money for both cats" lol. He's silly!
In other news, I'm still upset with the fact that my fiance refuses to go to my sister's house when invited for family gatherings. However, not too upset seeing as how awful they have been to him in the past. I cannot blame him, really. It just still upsets me. This is because a while back, my brother-in-law said he hired someone to "take out his knees" ("he" being my fiance) if he didn't leave me alone. My family (sister, brother-in-law and mother) was trying to protect me and thought, wrongly, that he was no good for me. They have not gotten to know him AT ALL, but are trying and he is refusing. He is refusing because they have not apologized for all of the names and threats that they issued upon him. Which they should, I agree. It seems like my sister thinks that an invitation to her place is her way of saying,"let's forget nothing ever happened and just get along". She thinks it's a way of putting water under the bridge, but he needs a full out heart felt apology. I wonder if he will ever get one. But them saying that he should just "let it go" and that "it's not important" is a TOTAL invalidation of his feelings. And invalidating him, is just as offensive to me as it is to him. I just think they all need to leave me out of the middle and work it out. We will be family, after all.
As for the rest of life, I'm still in therapy and doing well with it. DBT is an amazing therapy!!! That included with my amazing fiance, not having to work a full-time job, being able to afford my medication, and having cats around is amazing! I am becoming more independent and gaining more and more self-esteem and self-respect. Life is pretty good, but hey...it can always get worse or better! All I know is that right now, I can handle almost anything that comes my way. Almost lol.
Well, I REALLY need to get to bed.
Love,
Alison
